Returning to Earth

Well, I spent the entirety of Thursday and Friday either sleeping, eating, going to the bathroom, or watching Mad Men. I guess that I pushed the lack of sleep too far. I felt like I was getting sick as far back as last Sunday, but the nascent stages of a relationship sometimes necessitate sleep deprivation. Still, on thursday morning I woke up feeling like someone poured kerosene down my trachea. 7 months of work and not a day missed due to illness, then in my second to last week I'm struck down. And so I entered the haze. Everything blends together. And much like waking up from a really long nap, everything still seems jumbled and strange. Normally I'd just shake it off and keep on keepin' on. But there's a problem...true change is on the horizon. True introspection is ahead. And if I wasn't scared enough before, now I've really managed to jumble things up.

As I look forward to my last week of work, I wish that I could say that I felt like I had my feet on the ground. But I can't, for a few reasons. First of all, Nicki and I are definitely in the honeymoon period. Its hard to focus on anything else. And despite my best efforts to put on the brakes, things are moving ahead. Still, I feel like we both have honest perspectives that it may or may not work out. That's a good thing. At the same time, our natural honesty is obviously going to lead to greater intimacy sooner. I can't fight it, so I'm just going to do the best that I can to maintain whatever perspective that I do have. And obviously dating one of my classmates is going to make my entrance into med school a bit more interesting. I was really looking forward to maintaining that measure of separation from the madness. Perhaps I still can. Beyond life with Nicki, my decreased training schedule has brought irregularity to my life. The summer and fall were so great because my life and focus was training and racing. Its weird to leave that behind. And I feel like things were cut even more short by my small illness. I missed the last Friday Euro ride, and daylight savings ends tonight! Oh...I can't believe it...I'm so distraught. I could barely deal with darkness at 5:45pm.

Yes, things are a bit jumbled right now, but I have time to sort it out. I have time for introspection and time for meditation. I have time. But what am I to do with all of this time? The prospect of loading up the car and driving south sounds so romantic. It sounds like it would be so good for me, but the thought of traveling alone brings me back to some of the first entries on this blog, when I was traveling in Europe. At times, I felt like this blog was my only friend and my only connection to home. I worry that I'll end up homesick or that I'll end up antsy after driving 20 hours to the Carolinas. I've decided that I won't be using the blog to keep everyone updated on my travels during the next month. There will be too much to report, and I need my focus to be on living in the moment. I don't want to worry about capturing a picture for the blog. I don't want to worry about finding Wifi just to blog. As uncomfortable as it might be, I need to rid myself of my only friend on the road. I need to look to myself for friendship. And as it plays out, I hope to see real friends along the way too.

To update on past event, the lecture last Friday went phenomenally well. I had classmates come up to me and tell me that I have to be a professor. The anatomy faculty was blown away. I finished at exactly 8:59. I felt like it was the exact right mix between my personal story and the anatomy that we are learning. It was such a huge honor. How many med students get to lecture to their own class? Anyway...I have the ppt and the audio with video to come soon. If you're interested in any of the above, drop me an email. Dr. Seigne even asked to use some of my slides for his own presentations. To be honest, it felt damn good to show off my teaching skills to my new class and the faculty.

Some of you might remember the blog post from way back when Kolene and I visited the Harpoon Brewery for lunch. Well last Sunday, Paradise sports hosted a cyclocross race there. It was really cool because it was so close to home that Begem and Nicola could come down and see me race. I wasn't about to disappoint too. I podiumed and took 3rd in the Men's 3/4 field! My heartrate never dropped below 192 and spiked 202 multiple times. Not like it was a huge field, but still, it felt really good. Begem took some awesome pictures.

After that, the week is a blur. It doesn't take long to make it to Wednesday...and then you know the rest of that story. I'm feeling much better now, but it will be a couple of days before I'm back on the bike. I'm in no rush, as I anticipate a LOT of riding when I'm down south. Tucker is even talking about Skyline drive. Hopefully we can avoid those damn park rangers this time.

I would be remiss to not mention the incredible October snowfall in Colorado this week. While Sophie flies through feet of snow to make her business, poor little Annie struggles through her last days it seems. Annie was doing well following the surgery, but it seems like the snow threw her for a loop. I miss my little girl so much. I hope that she can make it until the holidays. God...I hope that I can kiss that soft, warm spot between her eyes one last time. And that cold, fuzzy spot on her snout a million more times. I cannot profess to remember everything about those that have left me behind, but sensations are one of those things onto which I can hold. I'll never forget the feeling of Grandpa Sam's hand the last time that I saw him...Aunt Terry's too. And the fuzzy top of Pookie's little snout will remain with me forever.



Again, just to make sure everyone know...when it comes to cyclocross, you're pinning it.