The Last Weekend

Well, once again time has slipped away from me, and I have neglected my blogging responsibilities. So, here we go..

After the snow hit hard on Thursday, I took the light rail down to Dad's office. He and I made the trip up to his house in the truck. The plows had also neglected their responsibilities, so it was a very bumpy ride home. My gut did not appreciate that, nor did the many, many cars that were off of the road. Still, we made it home safely to Blue Mountain where the snow was above the sills on the truck.

On Friday, I hung around the house with CB and Marjorie, so that Karyn could get out for a bit in the middle of the day. As parts rolled in for dad's Karate Monkey, I installed them and tweaked the bike to my taste. That night, Karyn and I made panko-breaded chicken. On Saturday, I went into Boulder with Sophie to hang with Kate and Spencer. We talked, worked on bikes, and fondled bikes. I was able to use Kate and Spencer's tools to adjust the hubs on the Karate Monkey that were set far too tight at the factory. When we were satisfied with our work, we headed back up to my dad's house for dinner. Since Kate is a vegan, we had a great vegan dinner inspired by the polenta that Karyn had had the previous day at the Duchanbe teahouse. Kate is an amazing chef, so check out her and Spencer's food blog at: http://tofurketychronicles.blogspot.com. Unfortunately, I splashed my hand and arm with some seriously hot oil and sustained a major burn on my thumb. After dinner, we headed back to Boulder where I met up with Kristen, Ryan, Kyle, and others for a fun game night. We played Kemps and had a seriously good time doing it.

By Sunday most of the snow had already melted. Sunday was a gorgeous day, so Dad and I spent time lazily lounging in the sun and fitting him to the Karate Monkey. I hopped on a bike for the first time, as I cruised around on the KM to check the tuning. Overall, it didn't feel horrible, but I obviously didn't feel very strong either. Not only could Sophie outrun me down the driveway, but also she is so fast that she would spray me with dirt flecks running back up the driveway. After some hardcore lounging, I headed down to Denver to meet Mom, Gary, Susan, and Paul at the restaurant "Bones." I had a bit of extra time beforehand and felt myself slipping into a bad place, so I stopped at Cheeseman park to do a bit of meditating. Unfortunately, the beautiful day brought out the gay men in force. The gay men themselves don't bother me, and, let's face it, I'm on their turf in Cheeseman park anyway. Still, their obnoxious music and peacocking made it very difficult to meditate. After tasting clarity briefly, I headed off to "Bones." None of us had ever been to this small restaurant before, but it proved to be incredible. For appetizers, we had: shrimp dumplings in a savory foam, escargot potstickers, miso-marinated beef rib eggrolls, young yellowtail, and bone marrow. All were unique and superior. The only main courses offered at Bones are noodle bowls. Half of the table opted for the lobster-miso ramen, an incredibly buttery experience, while the other half opted for the braised pork udon, an equally savory affair. For desert, there was soft serve ice cream: vanilla with essence of captain crunch or chocolate with Nestle Quik. Wow...just wow. Highly recommended.

On Monday morning, I awoke to more rapidly falling snow. In response, Melissa and I cancelled plans to go all the way down to the Children's Museum with Eli and Emma. Little did we know that all of the snow would be melted within hours, and blue skies would rule the rest of the day. Still, we took the kids over to "Little Monkey Business," an indoor playground and madhouse. Screaming, running children were everywhere. Eli and I had a blast, but it left us both exhausted. Promise of a ride in the truck was all that could get Eli over to Auntie's for lunch. That evening, the whole family came over for dinner at our house too. Since my friends Samantha and Stuart arrived back in Denver for good last Wednesday, they joined us as well. It was great to have the house so full of family and friends. After the family took off, Stu, Sam, and I sat and talked for a couple of hours. Samantha offered some great advice and perspective on my anxieties about spending time alone. She attributes her anxiety about that to her upbringing as an only child. After spending so much time alone, once you meet someone, you don't want to let go. And as I look back over my life, that has always been the case. As Gary says, I'm a serial monogamist. Still, something clicked this fall that sent me reeling every time I am along now.

Today (Tuesday) has been equally eventful. I went to Tichy again in the morning for my last acupuncture treatment before leaving. Of course I would have healed while at home, but I attribute the rapidity of my recovery, especially in the numbness, to Tichy's work. After seeing Tichy and him saying that we worked a lot on my self-worth, I went out to the truck and did some of my own self-worth work by nailing down my job back in Hanover. I spoke with Dr. Sue Tanski, who I met by chance at one of Teresa's doctor's appointments. She and I spoke at length about a potential full or part time research position on her project, which involves smoking cessation for parents. Honestly, I would do any kind of research for her. She says that her highest priority is quality of life for everyone in the office. I can work whenever I want, so long as the work gets done and I'm self-motivated. I'm going to have my own office space in the Cancer Center at DHMC. Several other people on the team are AVID cyclists, so I'm only adding fuel to the fire. I'm hoping for lunchtime rides and group commutes. This summer, I'll actually get to supervise the two undergrads that we have coming from Colby-Sawyer and Wesleyan. No day will be the same. I'll be writing, going to clinics, doing interviews, and I'm even allowed to shadow docs whenever I want! I'll get to go on two research retreats to a giant house on a lake that Dartmouth owns for just that purpose. Basically...it sounds like a dream come true, and I start on April 14th. Awesome. I feel much more settled about going back now, but still scared about assuming real-life responsibilities again. I mean...I haven't had to worry about a meal in months. Now, its my fault if I go hungry. Time to grow up again...

Today was also eventful because I finally spun the pedals for the first time. My legs felt weak, sad, and noodley as I tried to take an easy 25 minute spin at the athletic club. Still, they don't feel dead, so that's a start. I did a lot of stretching and work with the foam roller before and after the ride. I also tried to do a bit of ab work too. Unfortunately, my inguinal canal region still feels pretty weak, so I'm going to have baby that area for a bit longer to avoid a hernia. Patience will definitely be the key to a successful move back onto the bike.

Well, Saturday creeps closer. I'm still nervous. I think it will be much better once I'm there. I can't wait to see Teresa. I view this as not just a new life, but also a new period in my relationship with T. Hopefully, as I begin to put my head in the proper place, our relationship will blossom even more. I feel so bad that I was never my normal self throughout the entire thing. I hope to make right on that now.

I guess that I was pretty nervous and introspective from an early age:

Blizzard!

Well, in typical Colorado fashion, March just couldn't end with a big snowstorm. After weeks of 70 degree weather and three months without snow, it is coming down good. I'll let the national weather service comment on this one:

URGENT - WINTER WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DENVER CO
1125 AM MDT THU MAR 26 2009

...MAJOR WINTER-LIKE STORM POUNDING NORTH CENTRAL AND NORTHEAST
COLORADO...

MODERATE TO HEAVY SNOWFALL HAS ALREADY DEVELOPED ACROSS THE
PLAINS AND OVER EAST FACING MOUNTAIN SLOPES OF NORTH CENTRAL AND
NORTHEAST COLORADO LATE THIS MORNING. THE COLORADO DEPARTMENT OF
TRANSPORTATION REPORTS NUMEROUS ROADS EITHER SNOW PACKED OR CLOSED
AS OF 11 AM MDT. TIRE CHAINS OR ADEQUATE SNOW TIRES ARE REQUIRED
ON MANY AREA ROADWAYS INCLUDING U.S. HIGHWAY 36 BETWEEN DENVER AND
BOULDER.

MODERATE TO HEAVY SNOWFALL WILL BECOME MORE WIDESPREAD EAST OF
THE CONTINENTAL DIVIDE THIS AFTERNOON FOLLOWING THE PASSAGE OF A
STRONG COLD FRONT AROUND MIDDAY. SNOWFALL RATES OF 1 TO 2 INCHES
PER HOUR WILL BE COMMON THIS AFTERNOON...WITH RATES AS HIGH AS
3 INCHES PER HOURS UP AGAINST THE FOOTHILLS WEST OF DENVER AND
BOULDER AND OVER THE HIGHER TERRAIN OF THE PALMER DIVIDE. IN
ADDITION...NORTH TO NORTHEAST WINDS OF 20 TO 30 MPH AND GUSTS TO
AROUND 40 MPH WILL ALSO PRODUCE BLIZZARD CONDITIONS...
PARTICULARLY IN OPEN AREAS EAST OF I-25 FROM FORT LUPTON
NORTHEAST OF DENVER TO THE THE EL PASO COUNTY LINE.

CONDITIONS WILL GRADUALLY IMPROVE THIS EVENING IN THE NORTHERN
PART OF THE AREA...BUT BLIZZARD CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED TO
PERSIST IN AREAS SOUTH OF INTERSTATE 70 MUCH OF THE NIGHT.

SNOWFALL TOTALS BY FRIDAY MORNING WILL RANGE FROM AROUND 6 INCHES
IN THE NORTHEAST CORNER OF THE STATE TO BETWEEN 8 AND 16 INCHES
IN THE DENVER METRO AREA...WITH UP TO TWO FEET OF SNOW IN AREAS
SOUTH AND WEST OF DENVER. THE SNOWFALL COMBINED WITH PROLONGED
WINDS WILL CREATE SIGNIFICANT DRIFTING OF SNOW ON THE PLAINS.


A BLIZZARD WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 6 AM MDT FRIDAY.

SNOW HEAVY AT TIMES OVER THE ENTIRE AREA THROUGH THIS EVENING.
NORTH TO NORTHEAST WINDS OF 20 TO 30 MPH WITH GUSTS TO AROUND
40 MPH WILL PRODUCE BLIZZARD CONDITIONS AND CONSIDERABLE DRIFTING
SNOW ON THE PLAINS BY AFTERNOON. THE WORST CONDITIONS ARE
EXPECTED TO BE IN AREAS SOUTH OF A LINE FROM BOULDER TO AKRON.

TOTAL SNOW ACCUMULATIONS BY LATE THURSDAY NIGHT WILL RANGE FROM
6 TO 12 INCHES ACROSS THE NORTHEAST PLAINS...WITH 8 TO 16 INCHES
OF SNOW FROM THE DENVER METRO AREA TO LIMON...AND ONE TO TWO FEET
IN DOUGLAS AND WESTERN ELBERT COUNTIES. THE SNOW AND PROLONGED
WINDS WILL ALSO PRODUCE CONSIDERABLE DRIFTING OF SNOW.

Weekend at Dad's

Well, I intended to write this entry earlier in the week. In fact, I even uploaded the photos right after my return from Dad's. Unfortunately, time slipped away from me. So, the details have blurred a bit. But hey, maybe this is a good thing. I can just give the gist and leave it at that. Here we go...

As predicted, being up at Dad's house was a very healing experience. Yes, the environment was a contributing factor. What was probably more influential was the distraction of being up there. Dad and I had a blast. He managed to keep me quite distracted from my own ailments and keep me active. Sophie "the pinball" was definitely a distraction too. When she plays with me like I'm not injured, the occasional "ouch" is definitely worth it for the feeling of normalcy.

On Saturday, we all headed up to Nederland to eat at the Nepalese/Indian restaurant up there. I love Nederland. Just take in the sign for the annual "Frozen Dead Guy Days" festival or the new menu from "Chef Ted." For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of visiting Nederland, I highly recommend it. A warning for the guys, though: you're probably going to stand out if your ponytail is less than 12 inches long. You could probably make up for it by wandering around the "Mountain Market" parking lot high out of your mind, though. I hope to be a doctor in a mtn town like Ned someday.

The major event on Sunday was Dad's purchase of a 29er! While I was healing up back east, he said, out of the blue: "I want a 29er." And so the search began. For those of you who don't know, a 29er is a mtn bike with extra large and, therefore, extra badass wheels and tires. As if it was fated, we found a boulder craigslist ad for a pimped Surly Karate Monkey, called, and got it. What an experience, though. The seller was the typical Boulderite with a garage jam-packed with 6 dirt bikes, many bicycles, a jeep, kayaks, and mountaineering gear. Of course he also has a beautiful family, works from home, and takes 5 hour rides in the middle of the day. Dad and I have ordered some parts for the Karate Monkey, so we'll be putting those on this coming weekend.

Monday is somewhat lost to me at the moment. I spent most of the day recovering from the intensity of the weekend and realizing that I felt a lot better. On Tuesday, I had another Tichy appointment and then spent the afternoon walking through different parts of Denver with Kristen. One cool story is that Tichy poked me in the chest and abdomen to "draw energy up through my scars so that they don't block my energy channels." And...and, and, and...on the way home, I felt a strange, but powerful warmth all through my abdomen. The afternoon with Kristin was a wonderful distraction and a great way to enjoy sunny weather. I've included a picture of Ester the friendly greyhound with me at Stella's coffee shop. Ester was very insistent on joining Kristin and I for our mid-afternoon drink, but we didn't mind. And today, I headed up to Boulder to spend the day with David. As always, David and I laughed the day away as we reconnected with our roots as disgusting, stupid teenage boys. Today I asked David if he was ever going to grow up. He laughed and said, "Of course not." On another note, David and I visited a couple of bike shops in Boulder, including the Sports Garage. Strangely, I had never been in there. Those of you who know me well know that I am VERY, VERY averse to bike shops and their attitude. I can say that Sports Garage is, without a doubt, the best bike shop on the planet. The guys and dogs there are incredibly nice and welcoming. The shop inside the tin can of a building is absolutely world class. There was over 100k in bikes in the small front showroom alone. After I starting talking to David about my new Serotta, the guy got super excited and took me in the back to show me his new Serotta. Super, super nice. And after he found out that I was only in there to get my bike fix due to the surgery, he went out of his way to talk bikes with me in a very nice and not condescending way. Anyway, I got to check out the new Campy Super Record for the first time, pick up some more Orbea's, and fondle some amazing Serottas.

So...the health update. I'm doing MUCH better. I made a lot of progress over the weekend. My insides feel more stable, though the occasional movement still catches me wrong. The feeling is starting to come back in my leg! Pinching the skin actually hurts now, and the sensation of wearing underwear doesn't feel like I'm rubbing myself raw anymore. The muscle pain is also subsiding. I'm beginning to feel much more normal. So, I'm going to keep on the track of being active and distracted.

And finally...the Dartmouth return update. I'll be returning back to the Hanover area on Saturday, April 4th, so that I can be back in time for the first Kaplan MCAT class that I'm teaching on April 7th. That's right folks...I'm back in the test-prep industry. I figure that it will be a good way to make some extra dough and ease into working again. To be honest, I'm VERY nervous about my return to Hanover. I have no idea what kind of research I'll be doing or when that will start. I have no idea what my living situation will be like. Katie is gone from Barry and Sarah's now, so I'll be moving into her room. And Barry has moved to North Carolina for a year, so the house dynamic will be very different now. Basically, I'm going back to start a new life, and I'm scared. The only constant things in my life will really be Teresa and my friends. They have been so rock-solid during all of this that I expect nothing else upon my return. Still, this is an opportunity for me to be there for them again. And, of course, no one can make me feel at home like Teresa. I know that no matter where I am or what I'm doing that returning back to her at night will make everything ok. She makes me feel so strong and supported and safe. I know how important it is for me to stand on my own now, but it is so nice to know that I have Teresa, my friends, and my family to fall back on...always. Thank you for everything you guys.

Another Update

Well, I guess that recovering from major surgery follows more a logarithmic curve than a linear or exponential one. I seem to have gained back what I lost from traveling, but not much more than that. Early on in the recovery I became accustomed to giant leaps forward everyday. So now that I'm taking smaller steps, the pace seems snail-like. I've really spent the past week at my Mom and Gary's concentrating on trying to do nothing but get better. I've slowly come to realize, though, that concentrating on one's recovery can be frustrating and painful. If I try to get out and do something, it takes my mind off of things. I don't think about the pain in my leg or abdomen. And then when I get home, I seem to feel a little bit better. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not ready to go basejumping just yet, but I think getting outside or cooking or simply being happy will go a long way towards my recovery.

And what better place to be outside and ground myself than Colorado? We've had several days over 70 degrees since I've been home. I've even managed to get a couple of minor sunburns. Whoa, whoa, whoa...now, you're probably saying: "What is this cancer survivor doing getting sunburns!?!" Well, cancer is not something that I'd like to have again, but I have a newfound respect for the randomness of the disease and the importance of enjoying life. Those of you who know me know that I strive to take very, very good care of my body. After all of that and getting cancer at 23, I have to say...take all of that "carcinogen this"..."prevents cancer that" with a grain of salt. All that you can really rely on is statistics and your own happiness. So, take a deep breath, relax, eat a few pesticide-infused, genetically engineered Strawberries, and wash 'em down with some tasty hormone-added milk. You'll probably be ok.

Right now I'm sitting at Dad's house looking out over perfectly blue skies with a clear view for at least 70 miles. There's a big Jay eating sunflower seeds off of the feeder on the deck. The deer are lounging just off of the back deck. In short...bliss. Just being up here makes me feel better.

So, what have I been up to? Well, to be honest: not much. On Tuesday I went to see Tichy, my acupuncturist of many, many years. We hadn't seen each other since late high school. So, we had a lot to catch up on, cancer notwithstanding. He got the full update, and said, "so, what do you think caused this?" Before I even went into the trials and tribulations of my life during the first part of medical school, Tichy explained that, in Eastern medicine, the testicles are in the "Earth" channel. The Earth channel has to do with feeling grounded, which can be anything from literally being grounded into the earth, to home, to relationships, to practicing one's passions. Considering that I left my home behind to go across the country to medical school, broke up with my ex, had a roommate that hated me with a passion, felt like I had no home, latched onto Teresa in an unhealthy way, moved, and so on, it seems no surprise that I ran into some problems with my Earth channel. Still, (and this is the really amazing part) the reason that all of this happened is both cause and solution. Sure, cancer sucks, but now I have the opportunity to go back to Dartmouth and put in some roots in a really healthy way. That has been clear to all of us from outset. Seeing Tichy only offered even more clarity on the subject. According to Tichy, my energy pulses weren't too misaligned, which is surprising given everything that has happened. Still, I did feel a shift within myself a couple of weeks ago when my anxiety levels dropped dramatically. Leaving Tichy's, my head felt immediately clearer. If nothing else, the acupuncture does have a noticeable impact on my clarity of mind. Afterwards, I felt so good that I just had to celebrate the beautiful weather. I went to Washington Park and walked for nearly an hour in bare feet. The people watching, but especially the dog watching, was superior. I hate the sprawl of Denver, but its funny how comforting home can be. I returned home feeling renewed, though the feelings of boredom and frustration returned after a day or two.

Other than that, no major events to report. On Thursday, I picked up some new brake levers for my bike and spent some time browsing around Littleton Cyclery. It was nice to fondle some super expensive bikes and talk with the guys there for a bit. I picked up a 14 pound Orbea and saw the new Dura Ace for the first time. It was beautiful, but nothing can justify a 450 dollar chainring. And as cyclingnews reported, the shifts did feel somewhat muted. Yesterday afternoon, I hopped in the car and drove up to Dad's. I cooked dinner for everyone: Chili with fresh avacado, cherry tomatoes, cheese, and Barry's gremolata (lemon/garlic/parsley paste). It felt great to be up and moving around and doing something that I love. Kristen called during dinner prep to invite me to a game night in Boulder. So, I headed down around 8:30. I finally got to meet Ryan, Kristen's boyfriend, though it was very brief. Kristen, Kyle (Ryan's roommate), Giuseppe (Kristen's roommate), and I played Cranium and Taboo for several hours. It was really, really great to have some fun with some young people. We had a great time. So, thank you for that you guys.

No pics this time, but here are the california raisins singing with claymation Ray Charles:

After the storm

3/15/09 Report from Colorado- From a parent's perspective, it is hard to imagine chugging down the road of life, minding one's P s and Q s and all of a sudden a buzz bomb drops out of the sky and lands squarely in one's ear with the news your beloved child has been hit by cancer. You are 2000+ miles away and emergency surgery is the next day. YOW.  That was back what seems an eon ago. And now, it is really over. A rush of highs, lows, adrenalin, depression, elation, good news and bad news. I found myself bringing my boy home like a father bringing home a young, wounded soldier. I felt proud, tired, enervated and continuing to be his support system.  It is seemingly amazing how a parent can rise to the occasion, using instinct, using force, using whatever is there.  Amy and I arrived in Hanover when the bad news broke and we had practically no resources there to turn to, no idea what to do or expect. We had to start with ground zero and build a skyscraper, one that would save our child's life and hopefully allow him to be functioning as a normal human. We did not meet with 100% success in getting what we needed to make the boat row, but we pushed through it and it worked. There were some wonderful people from the area who stepped forward and helped us immensely including my friend Bob in Albuquerque who got us an affordable place to stay for a while. But, we worked as a team with the steady accompaniment of Teresa and Ben's Dartmouth colleagues. Looking back, it is amazing the mountain we climbed in a short time. Ben, Amy and I had some terrifically difficult decisions to make, and I think there was amazing accord on what to do. My wife, Karyn, who is a cancer survivor gave invaluable input when we had to make treatment decisions.  It all seemed to slooooowwwwly come together , into focus, into the right thing to do for our wonderful Ben. 

Now, Ben is in Colorado, place of his roots and he is healing, which is much needed. His lead doctor openly told us to expect that Ben will need some 4 weeks more to get back to normalcy. 

They beat him up pretty good. As for me, I feel like it has not all really hit me yet. I can let down my guard, put away the over 12,000 miles I traveled, and take stock and look to the future. 

As a cancer patient once told me: Life is fragile. So, enjoy yours, appreciate the good things you have, don't postpone or hold back what you can do today and live on.  Submitted this 15th day of March, 2009 by Harry Grass.

Heading Home

Thanks to Dad for recapping what went on at the post-op meeting with Dr. Seigne. I'll only add one note. I definitely chose the right surgeon for the job. Sometimes it is not about how many times the surgeon has done that specific surgery. Sometimes it is more about the person and their skill both with the knife and with their mind/mouth.

In the last couple of days, I've started to feel normal again. The muscular pain in my leg is still there, as is the cutaneous numbness, but I'm not limping around like before. I've figured out that the cutaneous numbness makes it uncomfortable to wear underwear. For some reason, it feels like the area is being rubbed raw. My energy levels have started to return to normal. As is typical for me, I'm still pretty displeased with the size of my abdomen, but such is life. The sensations of moving intestines have begun to subside in a more significant way. So, after a brief plateau period, it appears that my recovery took another step forward. I'm looking forward to being able to exercise again, though I'm dreading that first ride. My legs are weak and so are my lungs. I specifically remember my first ride after the epididymitis. It was a terrible experience. That was less time off of the bike with more activity allowed and no surgeries. This is going to take some time. So, if you're hungry to outsprint me, come ride with me in a month or two. All of that is still a bit of a ways off, though. Dr. Seigne says that I can't resume full activity for six weeks after the surgery, so that's another month or so. In about a week, I'm going to try some light spinning at the club. If nothing else, I can go and stretch out these tight muscles.

On Friday night, Tracy and Zane (Teresa's parents) had all of us up to their house for dinner. Talk about a feast. It was a great time, and my Dad finally got to meet Teresa's family in their native habitat.

Yesterday, Dad and I said goodbye to New England. That wasn't so hard. What was hard was saying goodbye to Teresa, our awesome little apartment, and to Teresa's Grandparents, Jack and Terry Lyons. Teresa has been my best, best friend through all of this. Again, I just can't imagine doing all of this without her. J and T Lyons were amazing hosts: so laidback and supportive. I'm going to miss that apartment. It was so, so perfect for all of this. Anyway, I've included some pictures that Teresa took of us saying goodbye.

The trip home went smoothly except for our Dartmouth Coach breaking down on the highway and us having to wait for a replacement bus. I found it somewhat ironic that the brand-new coach with wifi and all broke down and was replaced with a beatup old one that ran great. We still made it to Boston-Logan airport with plenty of time, though the girl at check-in refused to believe that it was actually me on my driver's license. The Gods shined down upon us, and our United flight was early. Dad dropped me off at Mom's house where the fatigue of the day hit me. My body is sore from sitting in one position so long. Anyway, I'm home now. Surprisingly, I feel much more sorted than last time, though I have far less idea what I'm going to do to stay busy. Maybe part of it is knowing that this trip isn't on a set timeline. Maybe part of it is knowing that my life isn't on a set timeline anymore. I feel pretty good knowing that I'm here to focus on healing.

Post Game Confence - After the battle.

DATELINE: Thur March 12, 2009 at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center- Submitted by today's medical corespondent- Harry Grass

Afternoon meeting with John Seigne, M.D. regarding condition and recovery status of patient Benjamin Grass. In essence, the report at this point not quite 2 weeks post-op are very positive. Due to the fact that all 25 lymph nodes that were removed showed no evidence of disease, most of all that needs to be done now is solid recovery from the rigorous operation. Dr. Seigne feels that Ben is doing quite well with the recovery despite some pains and weird sensations Ben is experiencing at this point in time. In fact, judging from the doctor's comments, Ben is ahead of the typical recovery time line for this kind of operation. Remember, Ben is recovering from two, not one surgeries. Accordingly, all comments from Ben's medical team are positive.
He can travel to Colorado, he must continue to recuperate and he must restrict activity for a month or so more. Also, he is allowed to gradually begin minor exercise and stretching.

Follow-up will include blood marker tests, minimal scans and writing checks. Ben is to return for his first follow up visit with the doctor in about 2 1/2 months and will be followed rather closely for some time, as would any cancer patient. However, the prognosis is generally very good and odds of any reoccurance are in the zero to ten percent range.

Dr. Seigne credited Ben with being in good shape which made the surgery more successful and "cleaner" as opposed to someone with other health risks and an unhealthy inner condition to deal with. Ben is experiencing a bit of skin sensitivity at this time which may have been caused by a wee bit of nerve damage by one of the scalpels that was employed in the operation, however, this is projected to improve and eventually go away.

So, sportsfans, cancel the sky diving or bungee jumping you were planning to do with Ben this season and put it away for next year. If you want to read some poetry or watch Magic Kingdom on TV with Ben, that will be fine for now. He can eat your Aunt Sarah's
Mouusaka or anything else so, bring it on.

Keep those cards and letters coming and all donations should go to the Harry Grass Fund for the preservation of the Porsche in garage at 24984 Simmons Way.

-30-

Back Blogging

Again, I apologize for my conspicuous lack of activity on the blog lately. Not having functional internet up in the apartment here is killing me.

I'm not going to offer a day-by-day update. When you are recovering from major surgery, everything blends together from a drug-induced haze into an indistinguishable monotony. So, there's not a lot that is very remarkable, except to say that I'm improving everyday. I seem to have plateaued a bit now, but that's just because the differences from day to day aren't quite so remarkable. Still, I've somehow made the transition from a very, very delicate and non-motile individual to a delicate and motile person.

Though my abdomen is still quite distended for my taste, it really has come down quite a bit. My major pain now centers on some weird deep muscle pain in my leg/groin that just happens to land right underneath some newfound cutaneous numbness in my L1/L2 dermatomes. I'm not sure what the muscle pain is about, but the numbness is almost certainly from cut cutaneous nerves or them just mucking around in that general area back there. The numbness doesn't bother me so much as the pain, though I do hope that both resolve. The other major discomfort that I have is from lying down or rolling over in bed. Basically, I can feel my intestines move inside me, and I do NOT like it. It sends a jolt of pain/sensation all the way up into my jaw, like nails on a chalkboard. I've been trying to stretch to alleviate this muscle pain. Well, last night I bent over to touch my toes, and my intestines decided that they would go along for the ride and say hello to my diaphragm. Needless to say, I was not pleased.

Other than that, life continues on. Mom and Gary left yesterday. I was very sad to see them go. Gary's presence is always so calming. And Mom has been the best Mom in the whole world throughout this. She has been my everything. Cooking, worrying, doing generally everything. I'll never be able to do enough to thank her for this one. Dad just came back today, so I'm happy to see him. I'm looking forward to traveling home with him. I trust no one to make the journey easier for me than him. And through all of the comings and goings of my family, Teresa has been a constant fixture. Besides continuing to work, she's gone out of her way to make my life as fun and happy as possible through all of this. Her family, particularly J. Lyons and T (her grandparents), have just been so great too. We go down to the house for dinner, and they join us in the apartment for dinner. We have the greatest conversations. I just love it here so much. I can't imagine going through this without the gift of their apartment and their company.

And to everyone that isn't here. Thank you again for your continued support. All of the cards, gifts, love, notes, calls, etc. are so, so appreciated.

Sunday con't, Monday and Tuesday

Over the past few days Ben has made great progress but in very tiny steps. We celebrated small and large victories. Koleen (which I mostly pronounce wrong-it's like colon Ben keeps telling me) came by on Monday night with the mail for Ben that had been delivered to Barry and Sarah's house (after she picked up it up from their kitchen in a totally dark house while they were sleeping at night). That was a very funny story. Ben, of course, couldn't laugh without holding a pillow to his abdoman and even then it hurt so we had to tell funny stories only in moderation. Harry violated that rule repeatedly and we had to make him put on a surgicle mask at times so Ben couldn't see his face (which made him laugh just to look at Harry's expressions as he tells a story or even just sits silently in a chair). Harry posted a "No Laughing" sign on the refrigerator but as I said he was the worst repeat offender.
It may sound small but the prune juice prescribed by Aunt Jan, Harry's nurse friend, and finally Teresa's grandfather on Monday night (when we thought we were going to have to go back to the hospital, we just popped in to "Pop and T's for a house call at his house just downstairs) did the trick on Monday night. Down with stool softeners. Just give us that prune juice.We weened Ben to 1 Vicodin and 1 Tylenol every 4, then 5, then 6 hours. He took his last Vicodin ( he had it with the drugs) at 10 am on Tuesday and switched to 2 extra strength tylenol every 6 hours with a couple of aleve thrown in every now and then.
On Tuesday, I emailed Dr. Seigne (our hero) to ask if Ben's lab results were in. He wrote back within minutes that they were posted on his computer but he would call them. Then he called Ben's cell phone and my cell phone but didn't get us in the afternoon. I emailed right back and said we had missed his calls but were anxious to hear. Ben called back and got the great news and Dr. Seigne emailed me right after he spoke to Ben. Kolene and Begem, two of the greatest friends anyone could have came over to have dinner with us to celebrate. Harry got a bottle of champagne and we toasted the big victory. Beeker too. We even took some over to Pop and T's and they came over to the apartment to say hello to Begem and Kolene. Did I mention that Pop and T, Teresa's grandparents (aka Dr. Jack and Mrs. Terry-"T" Lyons) have made us feel so comfortable here? We are forever grateful. In addition, Dr. Lyons is the greatest teacher ever for Anatomy Lab for Ben, Begem and Kolene. And I could talk to Terry forever.
Harry is going back to Denver today and Gary will be here tomorrow to reinforce Team Ben Recovery. Gary and I will go back to Denver on Tuesday and Harry will return on that fun JetBlue redeye flight overnight on Tuesday so he can be here with Ben for his follow up appointment with Dr. Seigne on Wednesday to get his release to travel back to Denver on Saturday March 14. I have been on line and on the phone as the resident travel agent making everyone's travel plans. I'll have to add the pictures later because the little "add image" button doesn't like me this morning.
Thanks to all of you on Team Ben for your love and support. We couldn't do it without you.

Catching Up

So I decided to post this update a bit out of order since many of you asked for the details. I've been typing this in Word but I haven't been on line to post it. And we had to share the amazing great news yesterday with all of you as soon as we got it.
OK this will test my memory. It’s Monday morning, March 2, 2009. The guy on TV just said this is a true Nor’easter (that’s how he said it and btw spell check knows the word). It’s snowing out and we look out on a beautiful old barn from Teresa’s grandparents apartment which we moved to late afternoon Sunday but I get ahead of myself. . I’ll get the picture on here later. No Internet connection on the computer and typing this entry on my iPhone will be too hard so I and anyone else who contributes will just type away and we’ll post when we can hook up to the internet.
Ben walked on Friday night very gingerly and with a walker because he was having terrible shoulder pain (even through the PCA morphine-stands for patient controlled something with an “a”-) from the carbon dioxide pumped in his abdomen to create more space in the surgical field. It settles in the shoulders. They also used heat on his shoulders to help with that.
Teresa stayed on a cot in Ben’s room on Friday night and did her best to deal with his Darth Vader hallucinations. Neither got too much sleep because in a hospital (I know they think they’re helping), they apparently think it’s healthier to keep waking you up to do things to you and make sure your pain level is under control. Now it seems to me that if you’re sleeping (drug induced or not) and your pain isn’t waking you up, best to leave well enough alone especially if your patient is still hallucinating. Harry and I just were dead to the world over at the Residence Inn. I had eaten my baked potato dinner at 10 and was exhausted .We got up and got ready and had a good breakfast before heading over to the hospital. Despite a rough night, Ben looked way better but was a little grouchy. Teresa was her usual wonderful self. After we got there, Teresa went to eat her breakfast (which we brought from the Residence Inn) so we took over. The nurses were very attentive but Ben was his usual “high maintenance” self so we were busy all day trying to keep him “happy. I use that term very loosely. He was able to keep liquids down on Friday after the surgery and had no nausea. They took out his catheter and he started peeing in a bottle (I thought to myself that it’s much easier to be a bedridden guy than a female) and then pretty quickly in the bathroom in something called a “toilet hat” which looks like a hat and measures his output. Ben won the prize for the whole hospital- 5 liters of pee on Saturday. Switched him to oral Vicodin so disconnected his IV (but left in the “ports” to give him Toredal too). That’s important because on Sunday when he was about 6 hours from his last dose of that, the pain was definitely breaking through the oral Vicodin. He was able to eat chicken noodle soup and crackers for lunch. If I could have brought some from phone, I’m sure that would have been better for his soul but I have to say the care to a person was incredibly caring and reassuring. Teresa stayed with him again on Saturday night and they got a little more sleep.
I started this entry on Monday morning and now its Tuesday morning.
Sunday, he was starting to meet more of the discharge criteria (more talk about “passing gas and getting closer to pooping” than when he was a baby.) By Sunday noon, not even 48 hours after the end of the surgery, they were saying he could go home that afternoon. His friends Emily and Liz (2nd year med students) came to visit (they had come when he was in recovery and we have a picture of that which I will try to remember to post). And Carol Ann ?, one of his med school teachers, came by. Turns out her husband was Ben’s anesthesiologist and she had asked him to be on Ben’s case if he could. Teresa went to high school with his daughters which we talked about with him in pre-op. So nice to know he was in the hands of great doctors but also people who had a special connection to him. So around 4 ish, he walked with his walker to the door. I pushed the wheelchair just in case but it was piled like The Beverly Hillbillies car so not sure where we would have put Ben. Thanks to all for the beautiful flowers, balloons, stuffed animals and very large cards. Begem and Kolene had come to visit and stayed until “discharge” so they helped us carry all his stuff. Teresa met us at the door after work to drive him home. Harry and I drove his car. We arrived at Teresa’s grandparent’s home where our apartment was ready and stocked with all the comforts of home. Teresa’s Mom, Tracey, even bought me some shampoo and conditioner I had used at their house the last time I was there which I happened to mention that I liked (you can't do that with her because she will make sure you have it the next time you visit) so I could upgrade from the cheap stuff from the Residence Inn. Ben went to bed. Harry went to the store and we made brown rice broccoli and sauteed chicken and garlic for dinner.
I'm going to post now and then will add pictures and continue this entry later.Love to all of you.
Amy

Cancer Free!

Dear Blog Followers-

I apologize for my obvious lack of activity here lately. Hopefully, you all can understand. ; )

And though I still go cross-eyed when I look at a computer monitor, I thought that this news was too big to go unreported. Dr. Seigne just called. All 25 nodes that they removed were cancer-free. That puts me 90-95% in the clear and officially free to live my life. I have to go for CT scans, chest xrays, and blood work every three months, but hey...at least I live right nearby!

Thank you again to everyone for your support. If anything this experience has reaffirmed the wonderful string of true friends I have left all over the world. I love you all.

~Ben

My favorite example of my supporters! Bruce out winter mountain biking: